What a decade! When I look back on the last 10 years, I don’t even recognize my old self. It’s crazy how much can change if you’re willing to put in some work. I remember a time in my life where I was so desperate to escape my life that I would have done just about anything to get out. Now, I can’t imagine my life any different. I used to be offended when old “friends” would complain that I had changed. Now I see that it had nothing to do with me changing, but all to do with them staying the same.
2019 has been particularly rewarding. In fact, I think it has been the most successful year for me, but not in the ways most people measure success. I have never felt safer, more confident, more loved, more motivated, more abundant and more content in my entire life.
I’ve had many ups and downs in life, just like everyone else. Winning and losing is part of life and if we don’t tell our story, how will anyone else know it’s possible to come out the other side? 2019 marks the end of silence for me. As we enter 2020, I vow to share my wins and losses, as uncomfortable as they may be. My coach frequently reminds me, if we aren’t growing, we are dying. I am not about to settle, and I’m certainly not about to die! I hope you aren’t, either.
If you know me personally, then you have probably seen my life completely transform over the last 10 years. I am a rather private person and don’t like to share too much, mostly because of my ridiculous fear of judgement. But as we close this chapter and end a decade that, to me, was filled with a combination of intense pain, intense love, sacrifice, death, life, growth and change, I find myself wanting to share. My personal transformation has been nothing short of miraculous.
In case you don’t know me very well, I’ll give you a little glimpse into my journey. Here Is my decade in review. I’m sure I’m missing quite a lot but you’ll get the point…
- Found the courage to leave a very toxic & abusive marriage.
- Filed for divorce and handled all proceedings on my own, (no lawyer).
- Supported my children alone.
- Healed my chronic back and neck pain (stress)
- Said goodbye to friendships that no longer served me.
- Closed many doors and opened many more.
- Learned that I am so worthy of love and a happy life.
- Accepted my past & Learnt from it.
- Raised my personal standards the highest they have been and will continue to do so as I grow.
- Dealt with emotional trauma in a healthy way.
- Let go of anger and resentment.
- Learned to LOVE my body and all it’s capable of.
- Forgave my parents.
- Forgave myself.
- I cried a lot & I laughed a lot.
- Lots of Growing. Learning. Growing some more.
- Married a man I truly love and trust. My soul partner.
- Traveled the world with my amazing husband.
- Moved to a new country.
- Watched my father take his last breath.
- Learned the importance of biting my tongue even when I know the truth.
- Stayed true to myself.
- Opened two Pilates studios.
- Attracted the most incredible friendships and clients.
- Spent 3 years trying to conceive
- Rode a roller coaster of hormonal / emotional ups and downs.
- Blessed with another healthy baby.
- Closed a Pilates studio.
- Kept faith & trust in a power greater than me.
- Gained perspective.
- Found my voice again.
- Learned to listen to my intuition.
- Learned the importance of patience.
- Started a blog so I can share my story with the intention of helping other women heal
- I now Know my worth.
- I now Know what I have been through has been a gift that I can now share to help others who find themselves in my shoes.
- I now Know my story doesn’t end here.
The end of the year is a time of reflection for me.
I enjoy looking back on the last year. It’s an opportunity to “review.” My ups and downs. Wins and losses. Strengths and weaknesses. I take stock of what I’ve done well and what I need to continue to work on.
I also set my intentions and goals for the upcoming months then I spend the first day of the new year surrounded by the people I love. This year my intentions and goals look a a little different than in years past. I am more focused on helping others reach their goals, rather than solely focusing on my own.
The first half of 2019 I spent knee deep in baby duty. I have been so blessed with a healthy baby who keeps me VERY busy, but I was also coming into the year a little lost, professionally. I have worked since I was 15 and this was the first time, I had nothing to do except raise my son. Haha as if that isn’t a tough enough “job.”
Due to circumstances out of our control, we had to close our beautiful Pilates studio, where I felt I was making a positive impact. At this stage, I was confused about what my purpose was. I knew I wasn’t meant to stop teaching and I also knew I was meant to do something bigger; I just wasn’t sure what it was or how I’d make it happen.
The second half of 2019 was spent diving deep, headfirst into my healing journey.
As much as my life on the outside has changed over the last 9 years, the same old thoughts and programs kept coming up for me. Even when things were perfect, I would find myself feeling unlovable and unworthy of all the good around me. I was living in fear. Waiting for the other shoe to drop…
I knew something had to change once and for all and the moment I surrendered; I was led to a life coach. A coach is something I never considered. It took me many years and much coaxing from my amazing husband to actually get me to see a therapist. Haha. so, a coach seemed so silly to me. how can anyone know what I’ve been through? Poor me. I had a traumatic childhood, horrible abusive marriage. I was a teen mom… nobody knows what it’s like…. Blah blah blah my sob story went… except little did I know I was about to have my world ROCKED.
All the previous work I had done over the years to heal my trauma had opened me up to receiving love and guidance. All that work allowed me to see possibilities I never knew existed. I put in the work, so I was rewarded. Rewarded with an incredible partner, an incredible life, incredible friendships and incredible teachers. my coach, Lani, is one of those incredible teachers who literally blew my emotional roof, off. Exposing all the darkness, she showed me how I have been playing small, how I have been self-sabotaging, how my emotional state has been hurting my family and friends and how I will never be happy unless I reprogram my old beliefs. She showed me how to shift it all and bring my energy and focus back to the one thing that can heal ALL wounds. LOVE.
As the universe does when asked nicely, it answers.
This experience was the answer to my, “what am I going to do with my life,” question. Throughout my coaching program, lightbulbs kept going on and my purpose became clearer. I am meant to share my story. Over and over my inner voice kept telling me that I must use my voice and share. Now it was becoming clear as to what that “something bigger,” was. I was being guided to my purpose.
So, here I am sharing my story because, ultimately, I want every woman to know that no matter where you are, how old or young you are, where you came from, who your parents are, what bad decisions you’ve made, what’s happened to you, regardless of how hopeless you feel, there IS another option. There IS a solution. You have a CHOICE.
You get to choose darkness, or you get to choose light. I choose light!
I guess what I’m trying to say is that, anything is possible if you want it bad enough and believe you’re worthy of receiving love.
The bad news, you are 100% in control of your life, your circumstances and your happiness. The good news, you are 100% in control of your life, your circumstances and your happiness!! Yep! YOU are in control. Just like I was the day I decided I wanted a better life for myself and my kids.
Once you take that first step, that leap of faith, you will be guided to the people, places and experiences that you need in order to grow.
Cheers to an epic 2020 full of love and transformation.
Xx
Crystal
p.s. Keep an eye out for my full post on my first ever, Life Coaching experience. I get really vulnerable, here. xx
