Staying sane while being forced to stay in. Is it possible? if you asked me on day one, I would have said Hell NO! get me out of here…
I have had so many thoughts racing through my mind throughout the day. Some of which take me down deep dark rabbit holes and others of gratitude and peace. I’m human. I wasn’t deigned to be perfect which means I sometimes cave to my silly negative self.
My old perfectionist ways have managed to creep in quite a lot during this crisis. I want to control. I want to be heard. I want people to wake up. To dig DEEP. To not rely on one source of information. To be open minded to other possibilities, as crazy as they may seem.
My long-held perfectionist ways push me to push others, also known as “control.”
Even though I’ve done a great deal of work on healing myself, I find I am struggling a bit right now. The perfectionist in me wants to stand on my soap box and preach. I want to shake people awake. I want to scream at people for allowing this to happen. I want to cry. I want to hide. I want to teach and share and help. whatever that means. But, my way isn’t the only way and I am trying my best to remind myself of that.
The first few days of lockdown were filled with anxiety. I have a child across the world. Will I see her again? Is this going to go on forever? What are the real intentions here? Something sinister for sure, but what? How can I prove it? I don’t have any time to research because I am now home 24/7 with a toddler. Will we have enough food? Will my children grow up? I was in a perpetual negative thought loop.
To clarify, I was not afraid of the alleged virus so to speak, I was afraid of what was happening so quickly, without our consent and without any REAL information that makes sense to a logical thinking person. Some of my biggest fears about losing our freedoms were happening right before my eyes. Nobody seems to be questioning it. why? People die EVERY SINGLE DAY.. Thousands… millions maybe. I’m worried about the lack of critical thinking. The lack of good judgement. The economic collapse coming. I am worried. And everyone else should be too!
Why is THIS thing so bad? Spare me the articles on statics, I have since done my homework. LOTS of it…. These were early days and early day thoughts. They were B A D !! I’m in a better place now, thank God!
There was a lot of negativity and me trying to control everything, but, there has also been a silver lining. Sort of. I’ve found some peace. I’ve gotten into a routine and I’m learning to live my life without too many expectations.
I’ve gotten better at trying to control everything. Except how clean my house is. I mean, c’mon, a girl has to have ONE thing she can control. Just one.
We are now on day eleven and I still have similar thoughts as I did in the early days, but they are definitely more fleeting.
I knew the negativity was not serving me and would in fact make me sick. So, I did what I always do, I have a big girl chat with myself and then cry to my husband because he is generally the only voice of reason in this household. Please DO NOT tell him I said that! Ever!
Somehow, he has the ability to make me feel safe and sane even in the midst of this insane, whatever you want to call it… So, to make my super long story very short, I’ll share some of what I’m doing to stay out of my head.
- Exercise. You had to know that was coming. It’s a cure all. Period. I don’t even feel like I need to go into much detail here. Movement is life.
- Routine & schedule. With a house full of very independent people, it was clear early on that we needed a written daily schedule. Who does what and when. It’s been a lifesaver and even though I have NO time to myself, at least I can see on the schedule when exactly I have NOT time to myself. J
- Making meals fun. I’m not saying to go off the rails. Not at all. Eat as healthily as you can but don’t stress about it if you aren’t “perfect”. We may not get all the special gluten free, dairy free, sugar free ingredients we normally do, but I’m making the most of it. in fact, today I ate Lucky Charms… and I LOVED them! A personal childhood favorite and it just made me happy to do it.
- Social Media detox. At least a couple times a week. Use this time wisely. Designate specific days & times when you allow yourself a certain amount of social media.
- Self-care. Funny how Self-Care was all the rage at the start of 2020. Now is a great time to revisit your self-care routine. My favorite is reading. If someone gave me a free day, that’s what I’d be doing. Here’s my Self-Care list from 2019 if you need some inspo.
- Tidy up. There’s a reason Marie Kondo is a big deal. Clutter is not good for the soul. Clean it up and clear it out. when have you ever had this much time to clean? Never! Do it.
- Set some goals. Short term and long term. It’s ok to think into the future. In fact, I highly encourage you do that. Dream big and then put it down on paper or a vision board.
- Positive affirmations. This is not woo-woo weirdo stuff. I promise. What you think, you become. YOU have the power! Go ahead and get out your sticky notes, hand draw tattoos on your hands… whatever works for you. Give yourself a little reminder that it’s ok to be happy right now. You have a right to be happy. To be grateful. To feel blessed. *I put little reminders in my phone so I never forget.
- Get into a spiritual practice. Whatever this means for YOU. There is power in prayer and it’s pretty obvious the whole world needs a giant hug so let’s send out some love, far and wide.
- Connect! Just because we are physically distancing does not exempt us from socializing. you can and should have your coffee dates, happy hours, girls brunch, play dates for the littles. It’s important to remain connected.
I could go on but honestly, there is just too much going on to try to perfect my list. I’m just doing my best. Some days I’m sweet and some days I’m salty. That’s ok. It’s all going to be ok. We humans are more powerful than any person or thing trying to take us down.
This will pass. It will not last forever. We WILL be different after its all over and my hope for each and every person on this planet is that we all find some peace. Some deeper meaning and true life purpose.
Think Big! Share Love! Be the Light!
Xx
Crystal
