Imagine this scenario. You are sitting at lunch with a friend, you’re dressed in a cute outfit, sandals on, fresh pedi, enjoying a nice glass of (whatever you prefer) and up walks an old man who starts touching your cheeks. He grabs your hand and tells you how adorable you are and what a lovely outfit you are wearing. He then starts grabbing your feet and tickling them….. do you have the visual yet?? Good. You would be absolutely shocked, mortified and pissed off. Right? My guess is yes, yes you would! And you’d complain or have him removed. Maybe even call the police…. Now instead of your adult self in this scenario, I want you to imagine your innocent child who cannot tell this person to stop.
I’ll assume you never walk up to random strangers and start touching their face? Their hands? Their feet?? Neither do I but for some reason people feel they have the right to do those things to babies. Why? I cannot for the life of me understand why random strangers think it’s ok to walk up to my baby and touch him.
The strangers I am talking about are not limited to sweet old ladies. In fact, my child has been touched by uber drivers, restaurant servers, strangers in the checkout at the grocery store, airport staff, other children… you name it. It drives me crazy! Your hands do not belong on my child unless he says so or unless you are his doctor and I’ve given you permission.
I’m not trying to sound like an overprotective, control freak, but lets’ be honest, I don’t know you, I don’t know your intentions and lastly, how the hell do I know where your hands have been? Do you smoke? Do you wash your hands after using the bathroom? Do you lick your fingers after eating Cheetos? Have you been handling one of the foods my son is allergic to? I have no idea and I really don’t care, I just don’t want them anywhere near me or my kids. Thanks!
It’s common knowledge that you don’t just want up to a dog and start petting it, right? Well, how is a child deserving of less respect than a dog? My son is not a puppy, or toy, and he is not on display to touch and feel. He is a toddler who is learning how to belong in this world. My son is 15 months old and hasn’t yet learned how to say, “please don’t touch me,” he hasn’t learned to communicate or indicate that he is not interested in your uninvited attention.
It truly baffles my mind how many strangers have come up to my child and touched him, without permission. I think that if someone knew they had to ask before “petting” perhaps they would think twice? People are not puppies so when you REALLY think about how weird it is to touch another human you don’t know, you’ll understand where I’m coming from.
I am not one to be overly PC or sensitive, so I’ll get that out of the way, now. BUT, I do feel that we need to open the stage for discussion around personal space, uninvited advances and just downright unacceptable behavior. I strongly believe it is NOT ok to touch anyone, without that person’s permission! Full stop!
So, in a society where we are rallying for personal rights, how about we speak up for the little ones who can’t speak up for themselves. How about we become the voice for them and let it be known that strangers (and even people they know) are NOT welcome to touch them. Ever! just because my baby / toddler is tiny and cute does not give you permission to put your hands on him.
It’s my personal opinion that if we practice this behavior from day one, it will show our children that touching is only acceptable if the other person is ok with it. I’m not saying we all must become robotic, unaffectionate, blobs but, we have to draw the line somewhere and I draw mine with strangers touching my child. I will speak up for him, no matter what so he knows he has a voice on his side. Someone protecting him and his personal rights.
I am doing my best to lead by example. My son will know that it is never ok to touch anyone without their permission and it is also not ok to allow other people to touch him without his consent. He will not be confused by appropriate and inappropriate touch.
A few examples of how I communicate this topic with a toddler. I always tell my son when he is getting a nappy change, I tell him why we must change his nappy, his clothes, bath time etc… I always tell him before I give him kisses and if he is grumpy I don’t force it. I also don’t force my kids to hug their grandparents, friends, etc…. their bodies, their choices. I am not shy to discuss inappropriate touch from strangers or teachers or relatives… those tough conversations are important. Uncomfortable but VERY important and should occur from a very young age. In my opinion of course 😉
Id’ really love to hear your thoughts on this subject and if you have any personal experience with this, please share. I know I’m probably not alone here.
